say_ocean_say's Xanga

Friday, September 23, 2005

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 01:01:30 GMT

anarchy means i litter.

i dont want to be friends anymore, alright.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 03:27:47 GMT

A letter from Michael Moore to the "President of the United States"

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore

--------------

Bravo. My hero. [i'm talking about the pres.]

[just kidding.]

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 06:05:58 GMT

Suburban discontent; romantic, familial, and platonic relationships in trouble; feelings of isolation –

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 04:19:44 GMT

if you don't read surveys,
please take your business elsewhere.

Name a band with the letters:
[A]dult.

[B]lur

[C]abaret Voltaire
[D]eath From Above 1979
[E]lectrosexual
[F]ischerspooner

[G]oldfrapp

[H]elen Stellar

[I] AM X
[J]oy Division

[K]raftwerk
[L]adytron

[M]oving Units

[N]ew Order

[O]n the Might Of Princes
[P]anic! At the Disco

[Q] and Not U
[R]atatat

[S]tarlight Mints (the)

[T]elefon Tel Aviv

[U]ltra Fox

[V]agenius

[W]umpscut
[X]iu Xiu
[Y]ellow Magic Orchestra

[Z]eromancer

Basic Info
1. Your Name: cindy
2. Your Nickname: cindie, cin (kaity, rachael, maxx, richie occasionally), cyncyn(hahhaha mary, all the time)
3. Your Birthday: 30 march
4. Your Age Now: is unimportant
5. Your Location: chesapeake, virginia; more honestly residing somewhere between norfolk and eric's house.
6. School Grade: i have enough college creds that it basically doesn't matter.
7. Sex: female
8. Zodiac Sign: aries

9.Orientation: i'm a people person.

About Me
1. Hair Color: several shades of blonde and black. i've had them all. literally.
2. Eye color: hazel.. some green ish at the moment
3. Skin color: caucasion, if that's what you're going for
4. Height: i'm thinking 5'1
5. Shoe size: depends on what sort of shoes
6. Do you care about the way you look?: like anyone
7. Do you get tanned?: if i choose to do so, so, no
8. Do you have big ears?: haha i don't think so
9. Do you have contacts or glasses?: no
10. Are you a health freak? no but i don't drink after anyone excluding kaity morris and don't eat anything that i haven't seen prepared excluding restaurant-like situations

Have I Ever...
1. Eaten an entire box of Oreo's?: no, but i bet you have
2. Gotten in a car accident?: no
3. Watched "Punky Brewster"?: no.........
4. Hiked a mountain?: have YOU ever or have I ever? this is confusing me.
5. Death Valley on horseback?: why yes
6. Stayed home on a Saturday night just because?: yes

In the Past Week Have I...
1. Cried?: yes
3. Cut your hair?: no
4. Worn a skirt?: yes
5. Worn a tie?: no
6. Been mean?: all logic says yes
7. Been sarcastic?: yes
8. Gone for a walk?: yes
9. Gone out for dinner?: yes
10. Met someone new?: yes
11. Taken a test?: no
12. Talked to an ex: yes

13. Missed an ex?: yes
14. Hugged someone?: yes

15. Kissed someone?: a friend, in one of those friend-ways
16. Danced with someone?: probably
17. Had a nightmare?: probably
18. Fought with your parents?: no

// YOUR ROOM, WAKING UP //
01. What color are your walls?: green, but they are covered-- one, entirely with newspaper
02. What color is your bedspread/sheets: blanket is black, sheets are pink
03. What color is your rug?: light puke green
04. Any posters/bulletin boards/designs in your room?: many
05. Do you have a TV? Is it big?: yes and no
06. Do you have a phone?: yes
07. Do you have your own computer?: yes
08. Do you have a desk?: yes
09. What are your most treasured belongings in your room?: my clothes, records, hair products, drugs, cameras
10. What are your most favorite things in your room?: um.. same question..?
11. Do you have any fancy lights in your room?: fancy? hahaha fancy lights

// GETTING READY //
01. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?: fall violently off of my bed

02. Anything unusual?: a komodo dragon?
03. Do you pick out your clothes the night before school?: no

04. Do you try your best to look cute for school?: jesus no

// HOME //
When you come home are you. . .
01. Miserable?: sometimes
02. Happy?: sometimes
03. Tired? all the time
04. LEAVE ME ALONE?: no YOU

// OTHER //
01. Do you take walks around your neighborhood sometimes?: no
02. What are some hobbies of yours?: umm.. http://www.myspace.com/virginiadontdrown
03. Do you collect anything?: things with hemp in them, girls, boys, pictures

04. What do you do in your spare time?: http://www.myspace.com/virginiadontdrown
05. Are you in love?: no

06. Have you ever been?: no

// NIGHT TIME //
01. What do you do before you go to bed?: more a matter of whom, well no not all the time
02. Do you kiss your parents/guardians goodnight, or just say "goodnight"?: none of the above
03. What way do you sleep (ex: on your side, tummy, etc.)?: side, haha tummy isn't a word
04. Do you like your life?: no, but i have it better than a lot of people

//Grown Up//
01.Do you want kids?: no
02. how many?: n/a
03. what would you name them?: n/a
04. would you get married?: no
05.did you ever turn gay or anything like that?: hahaha, turn gay? no

=============

The Generic Teenager Stereotype
Do you drink [alcohol]?: [yes]
Do you party a lot? How often?: 5/7 days out of the week, sometimes more, sometimes left
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?: yes
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?: none unless i'm making a like.. comparison
Do you skip classes? How often?: once a week, about, when school was in

Do you have casual sex? Protected?: is that two questions or one
Do you steal?: (is a strong word)
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?: no?
Do you drool over celebrities?: no
Do you watch a lot of TV?: no
Do you ever watch the News?: court tv
Do you even care about world issues?: to a degree
Do you read books often?: yes
Are you failing a lot of your classes?: no
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?: yes
Do you smoke cigarettes?: yes
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?: no..and um 711's? uh, what?
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?: no
Do you cuss a lot?: yes
Are you desperate to fit in?: no
Are you intelligent?: yes

The Goth Stereotype
Black lipstick?: no
Black eyeliner?: yes
Black eyeshadow?: yes
Black trenchcoat?: no
Black boots?: no
Black fishnets?: yes
Black nail polish?: currently.
Cigarettes?: yes
Heavy metal music?: no. like grind? yeah.
Marilyn Manson?: yes
Kittie?: no
Cradle of Filth?: no
Constant frown and perpetual angst?: perpetual angst, yes
Do you like to be seen as: what
Are you an intellectual?: yes
An atheist?: no, agnostic
Horrible home life?: compared to some, no
Hopelessly depressed?: no
Suffering with suicidal idealations?: no
Self-mutilation?: no

The Punk Stereotype
Plaid?: yes
Big black boots?: no..used to though.
Mohawk?: used to.. then i grew up
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]: i wouldnt say excessive. nose, tongue, lip, facial-wise. but nothing is in my nose or tongue right now.
Loud, confident and opinionated?: i guess
Wild hair colors?: sometimes
NOFX?: no
Rancid?: yeah
Well versed on political scandals and outrages?: yeah

The Jock Sterotype
What's your IQ?: not sure
Do you watch a lot of sports?: no
Play a lot of sports?: no
Talk a lot about sports?: no
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?: why no
Are you arrogant?: to a degree
Are you a male or female whore?: i'm not a whore
Are you homophobic?: no
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?: no, i tease people when im better than them
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?: no? and quivering?
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = yes? =no?

The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearance?: hair takes a while, when i take the time to do it
Have you ever been on a diet?: yes
How much did you lose?: dont know
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder? separate thing, yes, had one
Make yourself throw up?: yes
Make-up?: yes
Low-cut tops?: sometimes
How big are your boobs? [Cup size]: c
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?: sure
Giggle a lot?: yes, but mostly cause im high

What's the deal with boys?: haha, "whats the deal?"
Thongs?: haha, this is silly
Pretty bras?: ?
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?: no

Who's the weaker sex?: there's no right answer to that
Are you a feminist?: to a degree
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?: as tyler durden.
How often do you shave your legs?: when i feel the need to
How about your armpits?: every day or so
Are you emotional?: sometimes

This Or That
Originality or Acceptance?: both
Independence or Companionship?: both
Stability or Freedom?: both
Personal or Interpersonal? both
Introvert or Extrovert?: introvert
Popularity or Isolation? both
Unique or Loved?: both
Understood or Individual?: individual
You or Them?: them

==========

Have you ever...

[x] been drunk.
[x] smoked pot
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[ ] rode in a taxi.
[ ] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[x] been in a fist fight.
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[x] been arrested.
[ ] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[x] dropped x.
[x] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.

[ ] had a sweet sixteen. [i slept the whole day i think]

[x] had a car.
[x] drove.

Do you...
[ ] have a b f.
[ ] have a gf.
[x] have a crush. (sort of?)
[ ] feel loved.
[ ] feel lonely.
[ ] feel happy.
[ ] hate yourself. (too drunk)
[ ] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[x] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to soul
[x] listen to techno.
[x] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[ ] have more than 1 best friend. (complicated)
[x] get good grades.
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[ ] have long hair.
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

Are you...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty
[ ] ok.
[x] bored.
[ ] happy.
[x] bilingual.
[x] caucasian.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[x] short
[x] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[x] sick.
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[x] taken.
[ ] looking.
[x] not looking.
[ ] talking to someone.
[x] IMing someone.
[ ] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[ ] sleepy
[x] annoyed.
[ ] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[x] in your room.
[x] drinking something.

[ ] eating something.
[ ] in your pjs.
[x]listening to music (circa survive, to be exact..but the xangazon thing isnt working)
[x] ticklish
[ ] homophobic
[ ] racist

=================

WHAT YOU WEAR
1. Do you wear spike bracelets? no
2. Do you wear jelly bracelets? no
3. Do you wear converse? yes
4. Do you wear black nailpolish? yes
5. Do you wear band t-shirts? yes
6. Do you wear skateboard companies? no
7. Do you wear surfing companies? rarely
8. Do you wear dirtbike companies? no
9. Do you wear striped shirts? yes
10. Do you wear solid polo shirts? yes
11. Do you wear chokers? string, puka shells.
12. Do you wear lock necklaces? no
13. Does it take you five minutes or less to do your hair? no
14. Do you wear lots of eyeliner? i don't know, no? wait yes
15. Do you use a backpack or messenger bag? backpack
16. Do you wear darker colors? sometimes
17. Do you wear neon colors? sometimes
18. Do you wear 'whats in' or stick with your old jeans? jeans?
19. Do you wear sweatshirts and jeans? yes
20. Do you wear knee socks? no..and i hope whoever does stops soon.

WHAT YOU HAVE
21. Do you have character shoe laces? no
22. Do you have drumstixx but dont play? no.. stixx?
23. Do you have guitar pics but dont play? no..pics?
24. Do you have the Nightmare Before Christmas on tape or DVD? dvd
25. Do you have the Breakfast Club on tape or DVD? dvd
26. Do you have 16 Candles or Pretty in Pink on tape or DVD? both in dvd
27. How many CD's do you own? no idea
28. How many DVD's do you own? no idea
29. How many tapes do you own? some mixes
30. How many piercings do you have? several

31. How many tattoos do you have? 3 removed

HABITS
32. Do you write your name a million different ways on 1 blank sheet of paper? yes
33. Do you draw a lot of pictures of hearts? yes?
34. Is the volume on anything that plays music in your house really loud? yes
35. Do you stay up late to watch Invader Zim? no
36. Do you sing out of key purposly when your hyper? hahaha, sometimes
37. When a song comes on you like do you rock out? rock out?
38. Do you push buttons multiple times? (even if they say DONT PUSH!) um no
39. Do you draw with white out on a lot of stuff? no
40. Do you color your nails with sharpies? no.....thats sad
41. Do you sit there listening to songs and relate the lyrics to your life? yes
42. Do you pick one song and learn all the lyrics? yes
43. Do you daydream a lot? yes
44. Do you share lockers with your friends? yes
45. Are you distracted by shiny objects? no
46. Do you know where every sharp object is in your house? no
47. Do you play DDR constantly? no
48. Do you write on your skin with pen? yes
49. Do you bite your nails? no
50. Do you update your xanga daily? yes
51. Do you have more guy then girl friends? yes
52. Watch FUSE 24/7? no
53. Do you have a favorite pillow? yeah.. the one i stole from the hotel in new york
54. Do you have oversized stuffed animals? no
55. Are you secretly in love with your friends older brother? no.. but hes hot
56. Do you play with lighters? sometimes..but i dont just take out a lighter to just play with it

DO YOU WANT TO ...
57. Be in a mosh pit? no
58. Go to a party your parents would never approve of? did that about twenty minutes ago
59. Go to Warped Tour? no
60. Runaway from home? no
61. Tell everyone off? no..well a couple of people at the moment
62. Go to California with someone you love? definitely
63. Have a practical president for once? yes
64. Make peace with an enemy? no
65. Make out with someone from a band? no
66. Buy out Pac Sun or Hot Topic? not if buy out means spend my money.
67. Get a piece of candy by now? yes
68. End this survey? i guess?

Monday, July 18, 2005

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 07:11:56 GMT

edit://
i write in sooo many xangas. simultaneously. yea that's right.

Sometimes I just feel like hitting you in the face until I can't lift my arm anymore.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I am a scenester/hipster/whatever the fuck you wanna call me. I go to the local art school in your town and major in painting/film/fashion design/graphic design/creative writing...in other words im majoring in retail management/unemployment. I like to buy hundreds of dollars of cds or records(if im really cool) but thats ok though cause my income is most likely completely subsidized by my parents or im a trust fund baby. I'm bisexual and like making out with people in public, especially if they are the same sex as me, cause then people will know how open minded i am. Apparently now its cool for me to put lots of product and dye in my hair, so i resemble something from a late nineties nu-metal band. Oh I also like to wear designer clothes and accessories like Chanel earings and Louis Vuitton knock-off wallets and bags, high-fashion is so cool, but i dont seriously like it, its just ironic you know. Oh, high society is really cool also, i like to talk about the Hilton sisters and how "fabulous" they are, they fuckin rock. Got any coke???? .....

+Everything in this could pretty much stick, minus the knock-offs and the Hilton talk.
I don't give a damn about the Hiltons.
But I'd probably beat the platinum-engraved shit out of Paris if we knew eachother.
And then sell it.

edit://
turn-ons do not include:

taxidermy.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 23:12:26 GMT

So, I'm home.
And though of course there are probably a million other things I could/should be doing now, I've chosen to instead visit XANGA, mostly because I don't want to stand up or even pitch myself out of this bucket-like chair.
The last few entries of mine have been sort of crazy so, since I'm in a more agreeable mood, I'll again write about what's currently on my brain.
Not literally, because I'm not too sure what that is.

First: I went and saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today, and it was good. The last movie I had seen, before this, was Bewitched, and it was not good. Well, I guess it was alright, but I mean..no, it wasn't. I don't know. It left a strange taste in my mouth. A taste that I don't know if I like the taste of. And I think we all know how I feel about that.
My point being, and indeed there is one, go see this movie. Maybe smoke a little before you go, because it's possible that that may have slightly enhanced the experience, but still, all in all a really good movie. And Helena Bonham Carter was in it, and how could you go wrong with the former Miss Marla Singer? (Oh yes and Johnny Depp)

So anyway, to keep up the good thoughts.. brand fucking new release from one of the greatest bands of the century.
La Forêt, by Xiu Xiu, was released four days ago, and yeah, I know, I'm a little behind..but still. Better slightly late than in a month. Reviews are good, everything's straight. Well I mean, except Jamie Stewart.

Now some more disheartening news--and yes, I'll admit to getting choked up at even typing this:
Q and Not U is no more.
Yeah.
I don't even know what to say.
It hurts.
It really fucking hurts.
Read.

And that is not all. Two breakups? No way.
Yes.
Hot Snakes, too.
<sigh>
Read.

That's all I have for now.
But other points of interest:

¤ fecalface.com [don't let the name throw you. c'est une site d'art.]
¤ Relative Josh's top ten list for 2005 (thus-far):

10) Swervedriver - Juggernaut Drives 1989-1998 (Castle Music UK)
An amazing compilation from an often overlooked and underrated band.
~Listen~

9) Sexual Lives of Savages - Post Punk From Brazil (Soul Jazz)
I like post punk from Brazil, hip hop from France, and black coffee.
~Listen~

8) Early Day Miners - All Harm Ends Here (Secretly Canadian)
Indiana's sadcore darlings newest long play that marries soft hushed vocals over lush and melancholy soundscapes.
~Listen~

7) Black Mountain - self-titled (Jagjaguwar)
Muddy sludge funk perfect for bong rips, heavy petting, and working on yr hemi.
~Listen~

6) Charming Snakes - Ammunition (Dirtnap)
Seattle's art punk pedigree that has a sophisticated and raucous sound reminiscent of early '90s alternative acts.
~Listen~

5) LCD Soundsystem - self-titled (DFA)
A husky man's got to wiggle his fanny to something.
~Listen~

4) Amusement Parks on Fire - self-titled (Reincarnate)
Inspired by early 90's dream pop, this Nottingham group shows that the shoegaze scene stills sounds fresh and exciting.
~Listen~

3) Engineers - self-titled (Echo)
Somber jamscapes coming from London.
~Listen~

2) Bloc Party - Silent Alarm (Vice)
These guys are the real Wyld Stallyns.
~Listen~

1) Dead Meadow - Feathers (Matador)
Fuzz bliss. The weed smoking love baby of Black Sabbath and Swervedriver conceived in the summer of no rulez.
~Listen~

Note: there are lots of links in this entry.
..I think you may be underestimating the amount of time I have on my hands right now.

OH SHIT. It's 8:23.. only 37 minutes until I'm out of here. Drugs? Yes? What?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 06:39:15 GMT

I'm sick of not being able to sleep.
And not having anything to take for it.
I just got off the phone.
And once again, I was reminded of everything wrong, that I had at least momentarily let go. It's always the same person that reminds me of these things, I don't think he realizes that I'm not particularly ready to talk about a lot of things, and still in denial about others..
Oh well
Apparently nothing.
So here it goes.

I know I'm not the best person. And I'm definitely not the best friend. And I know that it looks like I don't care about a lot of things or a lot of people, and that I don't "let anyone in" or any of that. Well I don't. People act like I haven't had so many reasons to freeze my best friends out or completely give up on a lot of things, people, situations, whatever. I used to be really trusting and concerned, but I don't know what to say other than shit happens, because I try not to dwell on it and I don't think it's fair for anyone else to. I can not trust anyone right now. I will not. I have learned my lesson twenty times and if that makes everything so hard than I don't know..don't bother?

I haven't completely given up on everything, I guess. If that were the case I wouldn't think about things as much as I do, right? I still hope that I'll be back to where I was sometime soon, I just don't see it happening. I've found it a lot easier to just be impartial to the greater percent of what's going on around me. The past couple of weeks have had a few exceptions, because a lot of shit that I thought would never happen happened all at once.

And I'm trying not to be so apathetic, and more understanding, and I'm trying to give a lot of people the benefit of the doubt, but I can't help thinking that inevitably everything will go back to the way it was, and probably start all over again from there, because that's how it always is.
I can't have consistent friendships with people because we're all backstabbers and liars. Or the ones that aren't just end up getting on my nerves. Or I get bored with them. Or something.
I've never been in love. I mean, I'll be the first to tell anyone to shut the fuck up because we're all too young anyway, but it'd at least be fun to have the illusion that we're not for a while.
I'm really jealous of a lot of stupid things for the sole reason that they are the only things I feel like I have no control over.
I want to resolve this purely out of sport.
I feel obligated to get rid of the only real competition I've had just so I can see someone at their worst again. And laugh.
And yeah, I'll feel better about it.
And no, I can't help it.
And maybe everything will blow over and I'll be completely wrong about everything.
But how often does that happen?

It doesn't.
Mm..consistency.

I want someone completely. I've never had that. The whole person. With honesty and faults and acceptance and love and nothing obscure or confusing or dirty or dishonest.
Just completely.

And no more questions.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 02:22:45 GMT

So the way I figure it,
I don't care that much. Because she's a mothafuckin celeb.

But anyway. I refuse to fucking become one of those numbers you have to call when you're looking for someone, or something to do. I am not your god damn social director. I do not give a fuck where so and so is, they're not with me and you know this. If you feel differently than you did two weeks, ago, you better fucking tell me because I would really hate it if you became one of those people. I mean, the kind of people that I can just sit around and imagine bashing their fucking faces in with a crowbar.
You do not want to be one of those people.

I was supposed to go to Olde Towne and Ghent today to take pictures, but we couldn't because the girl's camera was not accessible at the time. I hate it when people only have one camera. But we went to Fair Grounds anyway, then to Eric's. Which is always the best thing to do, any of the time. Amanda was there, yeah, we walked in while he was hurriedly pulling up his swim shorts, haha. (don't have to wear underwear with them and they come off easily.) Then Nick Riley came over. Then Rey Puerto Rican. [totally don't know his last name] Then Justin Dammwebber. And his crazy ass goblin girlfriend.

Oh it was the greatest thing. Before anyone came over and it was just me, Mary, Amanda, and Eric--he had to buy some bud so he called this guy, and Mary and I took him to this guy's house, and he bought an ounce-- what I'm getting at here is that this guy is the most professional fucking dealer ever. And I have since decided to go to this man from now on. Haha, it was so sketchy..Eric and him were sitting on his porch talking (knows him because he knows Lonnie) and the me, Mary, and Amanda were in the car, and they start walking back to the car and this guy looks at me and Mary and goes, "Do you guys like to roll?" And we were like, "um..What?" And he elaborated and such, and long story short I can get ex for $25 a pill from him, which is really fucking good. Not to mention his weed is grade a and he sells purple haze, which is..wow. So yeah. Mary and I have found a very important contact. I got Eric to call him later and ask if it was cool if he gave me his number, and he said it was, so now I have it, and that is good. Less children I have to go through to get what I want.

Coming into this I didn't mean to only write about drugs. I'm just saying. That was the best part of my day.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 03:04:57 GMT

and if you wanted to
why didn't you?

i'll not say one word.

i know what has happened.
and i do not yet regret it.
i will soon.
only like everything.
but i do not yet.
and i will not do two stupid things in one week.
as i've had to reassure several people.
thanks, for that.
but i cannot believe it.
how could you do that?
no, thank you.
i will not.
i plan to hold on to what little self respect i possess.
for a couple of hours.
at least.
and believe me your timing is not that good.
i do not
i can not
speak to you.
trust you.
hang out with you.
look at you.
believe in you.
you are not real.
i've deleted you.
i treat my friends like i treat people on catch 27.
or even
dare i say it
myspace.
i will delete you if you do not comment me
in a timely manner.
i will not add you
to my list of friends
if you do not have the right clothes
the best musical tastes
the most carefully sculpted hair
the most intriquite make-up
especially if you are a boy
if you are not arrogant enough
i don't want to know you
if you are not catty enough
i will forget you are alive
if you are under eighteen
if you are down to earth
if you do not like the "club thing"
if you only do boys
or if you only do girls
if you can't out-smoke
out-drink
out-swear
out-dance
out-fuck
me or anyone else i know
i won't remember you the next day
so if you don't meet the most rediculous
of standards
i don't want you.
i don't want to know if you are a good person.
i want you to back-stab
and talk about me.
i want you to pretend to be listening
i want you to drive out of state listening to nothing but electroclash
i want you to be all in black
i want you to do what i tell you
and complain about it.
but you will not fuck anybody else.
because even if you are what it is that i like,

i do not need you.

there is no colour of your brain, it is not living.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 20:33:46 GMT

yeah, myspace bulletins are down.

so..

yes.

b-b-b-bratcore!
WE'RE ALL SO LUCKY!

&hearts;